allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
