I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
