i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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