saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just had sex on a roof
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
