marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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