his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
