hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
