I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I love having hate sex.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
