NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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