there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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