I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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