i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
