Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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