I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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