I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
