I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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