I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
