i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
