I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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