I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Randomize
