youre lurking in front of me
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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