Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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