the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
