i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
