I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
