the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
