I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
