I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
