last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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