Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
farters have to be the big spoon...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
