I puked a lego.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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