took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
