My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
