This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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