i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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