we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
