He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
