who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
