This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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