Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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