Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
