I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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