just tell him i said nine months
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
