i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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