bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
