I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
