Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
