My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
