I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
