I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
