Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
